Welcome to my mysterious world of the strange

Sixteen years ago on my last pygmy hunting trip down in the darkest depths of the Congo, my faithful number two on the expedition Lt Nigel Rhys Pelican looked stoically into my eyes and as his fingers slipped from my tired grip and he was dragged away from the canoe and into the dark water by that damn crocodile, I remember he shouted "It's a funny old world!" and indeed it is.

I would never have thought all those years ago, while I was still at Eton attempting to avoid being buggered by the older boys, that I would go on to achieve the remarkable feats of exploration that I did.
Who would have thought it possible to cross Peru's deadly Atacama desert on skateboards?
Who else but I, Sir Marmaduke Malaya would have attempted to swim naked from Tierra Del fuego to Antarctica?
It's this same level of deadly adventure and lack of concern for the well being of others that has, in a way led me here to my position as News direct's link to the mysterious world of the strange.

When first approached by the editor, working class I believe, I steadfastly refused his offer of employment as in my family paid work has always been seen as the privilege of the lower orders and not something to be considered by a member of one of England's foremost families.
But as my Bank manager and financial advisor both strongly pointed out, sharing my wonderful knowledge of the the world of the strange and tales of my heroic expeditions would help enormously in paying my Everest like alimony payments to my third wife Mitzi.

So it's with this love of exploration and a burning desire to search out the mysterious that I present to you my very first column for News direct.